So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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