Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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