just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
