Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize