Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I FOUND THE LEGS
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
