I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
