A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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