i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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