i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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