I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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