I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
