Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
