he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
