somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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