You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
