party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
