When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just had sex on a roof
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
