He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
