Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize