I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
