Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Couch. On fire.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
