you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
