just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
