I molested 6 butterflies tonight
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i now understand why vodka
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
