The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
