im about as happy as oj after his trial
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
