nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Randomize
