yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
