I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
