The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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