Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Randomize
