im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
