You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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