he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
