Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
