everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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