how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
