My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
