Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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