we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize