Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
