I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
