Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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