She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
lol hangovers are for mortals.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
