this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
