Soap is not a condiment
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
