Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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