she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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