"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
