chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
