not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
