TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
