im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
