i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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