No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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