Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
