I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
