meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
