My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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