You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
