I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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