Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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