you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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