Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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