Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
