You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
where are you?
Hypothermia
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
