dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize