I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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