And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
