Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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