i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
