anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
