I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
