Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
