It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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