You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
