My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
