it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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