But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize