She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
