i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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