Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
