I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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