the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
