I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
