elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
being pregnant is like rehab
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
