Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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