I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
