You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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