I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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