I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
