I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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