lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
