How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize