i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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