why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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